


hope is the thing with feathers

by abbyli



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Non Canon Compliant After 4x05, Not a death fic, Roan's a good bro, Very happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 06:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10691619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyli/pseuds/abbyli
Summary: She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees so she can look into his face. “Did you love Clarke?”He understands the meaning behind her question, and it isn’t the simple kind of love like he has for the rest of the hundred answer she is looking for.He manages a nod, swiping at an angry tear that spilled down his cheek. “So much it hurts.”





	hope is the thing with feathers

[ [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9XpzfaMkrY) ]

.

(not season 4 compliant after 4x05, minus the Ark burning down)

.

His voice is gone.

He isn’t sure when he stopped screaming. Probably when he couldn’t anymore. Then it was just silent gasps that didn’t stop until he felt the sting of a needle in his neck and then he knew nothing else.

When he wakes up, he’s laying on a cot in medbay. Octavia sits in a corner across from him, her arms folded around her belly like she’s trying not to fall over. She flinches when she sees he’s awake, slowly rising to her feet and clumping over to where he lays. A second passes before he realizes he has a towel wrapped around his throat. His fingers claw at it, trying to pull it away and Octavia bats at his hands.

“Abby put a salve on your throat. You screamed yourself hoarse,” she whispers, her own voice soft and broken.

An angry tear escapes his eye and he brushes it away. He tries to speak but nothing comes out.

“Try to rest, Bell,” Octavia murmurs. “I’ll go tell Abby you’re awake.” She gets up to leave and he can’t call out to stop her.

She returns a moment later with Abby on her heels, a tired looking Miller trailing after the two women. He starts at the sight of the older woman, almost trying to turn away from her. She’s gentle with him, like Octavia was, examining his throat and finally pulling away that towel. “I’m going to get you some tea.” Before he can even try to say anything, she’s gone again.

He’s left alone with Miller, Octavia leaving with Abby. The younger man gazes at him sadly and Bellamy turns his head away.

“It wasn’t your fault, Bellamy,” his friend whispers.

A blanket is suddenly laid over him as he curls his body up as tightly as he can, wincing at the ache in his throat. Miller gently pats his arm, claiming Octavia’s abandoned seat. Bellamy watches him, wide eyed for a moment, then conceding to the fight against sleep that takes him in.

-;

He looks for her in the hallways of the Ark.

There’s a shine of blond hair and his heart swoops, only to sink when he realizes that it’s Harper.

He feels her there but he has never felt more alone.

His throat heals slowly but he doesn’t speak unless he has too. Kane tries his best to get him to begin the plans of rebuilding once the doors open again.

“Those doors will never open again,” he whispers to Kane’s retreating form as the older man walks away. “Never again.”

-;

She stands before him, hands on hips and a look of absolute fury etched across her face. “Octavia tells me you haven’t eaten.”

“Nelson was hungry,” he shrugs, not looking at Raven as he continues to obviously not read his book.

“Bellamy –“

“Don’t, Raven,” he adds warningly. “I’ve already heard it from O and Miller.”

The brunette’s gaze softens and she lowers herself down onto the cot beside him. To his surprise, she begins to talk about Clarke. She creates a picture in Bellamy’s mind so clear that it feels like he can reach out and touch her and oh god, that’s not what he needs right now. He’s about to angrily tell Raven to go when her arms wrap around his shoulders and give him a quick and hard hug.

“Get some sleep,” she whispers into his ear before getting up and leaving the room.

-;

They have guards by the doors to stop anyone from trying to escape. He takes several shifts, standing there until the wee hours of the morning and never moving. Not once until a hand comes down on his shoulder and pulls him back into his reality.

The fight with Abby happens on a late evening when a scuffle breaks out by the doors. A young boy who had just turned eighteen suffered a break and tried to open the doors, begging to be let outside. Four others jumped into the altercation, resulting in a few splits lips and one broken wrist. His own.

He’s sitting in the hospital wing again, his wrist being splinted by the elder Griffin when the words spill out of his mouth.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.”

The look Abby gives him is sharp enough to cut a brick. “She saved you,” she reminds him and he can feel the bitterness coming off of her tongue. “You were always her priority.”

“That’s not true.”

Abby laughs dryly. “It is, Bellamy,” she says, no hint of gentleness in her tone. “And that’s okay, I guess. I really can’t blame you for that.”

“Abby,” Kane suddenly appears, his voice warning. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what, Marcus?” Abby asks him. “This boy is here when he shouldn’t be and my daughter is a pile of dust outside. How do you think I am supposed to feel?”

“That’s not fair –“ Kane starts but Bellamy holds up his uninjured hand.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, getting to his feet. “She’s right.”

He leaves then, missing the flash of guilt crossing Abby’s face, returning to his quarters and collapsing on his cot to fall into a fitful sleep plagued by dreams. Dreams of _her_ and god, she’s right there. She’s right there and he can’t even reach out and touch her.

-;

_“Bellamy, you need to get inside!”_

_He grabs her by the shoulders, ready to drag her through the Ark doors. “I am not going anywhere without you!”_

_She kisses him then and he’s so surprised that he misses the slice of pain in his neck. His vision blurs and other hands are pulling him back, up into the cave of the Ark. He can barely hear Clarke’s voice, giving orders to who he suspects is Miller and Roan. He’s behind the doors when his vision clears again and before he can walk back outside, they slam shut._

_The last thing he sees is a shine of blond hair, swinging in the heavy wind as she turns to run._

_He screams then, loud and painful. The screams tear his throat, causing him to choke and cough and plead with whoever is holding him back. Miller twirls the locks on the doors, bolting them shut without a whisper of light coming through._

_He’s still screaming when he feels the needle coming down onto his neck once more._

_-;_

“Bellamy?”

He flinches visibly when he sees Abby, stepping back to allow her inside. Her face twists, folding her arms in front of her chest as she steps through the door and closes it behind her.

“What do you want?” he asks rather abruptly and this time it’s her that flinches. “Sorry.”

She waves a hand. “I deserve that.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “No you didn’t. Please sit.”

Abby perches on the edge of the chair across from his cot. He sits on the bed, arms resting on his knees. She eyes his splinted hand, the swollen fingers. “Are you being careful with that?”

“Huh?” he looks down at his hand and an eyebrow rises like he had forgotten. “Oh. Yeah, I’m trying.” They sit there in awkward silence for what seems like an eternity. “Something tells me you didn’t come here to ask about my hand.”

She chuckles, shifting on her seat. “I came here to apologize.”

“No, you don’t need too. You’re right.”

 

Abby shakes her head. “I do. What I said to you was horribly unfair.”

“Abby...”

She gets up, moving her chair closer to him. “Clarke loved you. She loved you so much.”

Bellamy is dismayed at the tears that are forming in his eyes. He blinks them away, brushing his uninjured hand across his eyes.

“To make sure you were safe, she would do anything and ... she did,” Abby adds. “I cannot blame you for that. She would do anything for the people that she loved and I knew...” her voice breaks. “I knew one day I would lose her because of that.” She manages a watery smile. “But I have to ask one thing of you, Bellamy.”

“What’s that?”

She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees so she can look into his face. “Did you love her?”

He understands the meaning behind her question, and it isn’t the simple kind of love like he has for the rest of the hundred answer she is looking for.

He manages a nod, swiping at an angry tear that spilled down his cheek. “So much it hurts.”

She looks satisfied with his answer. She feels it, to know that her daughter died being loved and loving someone else. Sharing the same love that she herself had shared with Jake and now with Marcus.

Abby was so glad her daughter was able to experience that.

She sobs then. “I feel like I failed her,” she admits. Bellamy’s eyes soften. “We never made it right after everything that happened above.”

“You did,” Bellamy softly tells her and she’s ready to cry at the gentleness in his tone. He taps her knee. “Did you love Clarke?”

“So much it hurts.”

“She knew that.”

Abby manages a smile, patting his shoulder as she gets to her feet. “I came here to apologize to you. Don’t you go making me feel better.”

She’s at the door when his voice calls her back.

“Abby,” he whispers. “I’ll do my best.”

There is so much behind those words but she knows what he means.

_I’ll do my best not to let her sacrifice go to waste._

She nods, accepting his words before leaving, quietly closing the door behind her.

-;

The doors open on an early morning.

Raven had nearly exhausted herself with the weeks of air quality tests to make sure they would be able to even breathe once the doors opened, to find out if they should even bother to try. Once she gave the go ahead, Bellamy stood beside Miller as the doors slowly creaked open.

They were greeted by sunlight.

Then life.

As they moved through the wilderness again, they see signs of it everywhere. Green leaves dancing in the breeze, a blue butterfly that Octavia can’t help but play with. The rush of water somewhere close by.

The Earth had been reborn again.

They see the first sign of human life when a grounder child wanders into the camp. Bellamy finds the boy, bringing him to Abby as the words spill from his mouth.

“She’s out there.”

Abby nods, hope lighting up her eyes as she examines the child for injuries. “I know.”

-;

He leaves the next day once the child had been collected by his parents. Octavia has a rapid conversation in Trigedasleng with the child’s father, her face shining with hope once the family leaves.

“She’s near. They’ve seen her.”

“I have to go,” he says.

Octavia nods. “I know.”

To his surprise, Roan accompanies him. “You need a translator and a tracker,” he says.

Bellamy rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue. The last five years trapped together in the enclosure of the Ark had produced many unwanted run ins but the Azgeda king is right.

They leave at the high noon hour, and he promises Abby once last thing. “I’ll bring her home.”

-;

The trip takes seven days.

Bellamy ignores the possible meaning behind that.

They come across a small village that was obviously in its first steps of being rebuilt. Roan converses with a few people that live there, his demeanor becoming quite animated as his hands move with his words. He gives Bellamy a triumphant smile when he moves away from the last one. “She’s a mile away. They said she went north with a hunting party and is due back soon.”

"North?" he repeats dumbly. 

Roan nods, a whisper of a smile on his lips. " _Go."_

He does. He's not sure when he started running but he does, moving through the trees at a speed he didn't know he was capable of. Roan's instructions ring in his ears and he picks up the hunting trail easily, following it deeper into the woods. 

The darkness lifts after a while and he tumbles through a set of trees and into a clearing. The sun is setting and people are up ahead, moving over the hillside. they are all dressed in furs  carrying their game on their shoulders or swinging from their belts..

He panics when he doesn’t see her at first.

And then...

Oh god, and _then..._

_“Bellamy?”_

His knees are trembling and he staggers towards her. She drops her weapons and her own game, moving at a pace quite like his. Her eyes are wide, spilling tears already and oh god, he hopes he never sees her cry again. He always hated it when she cried.

She gasps when their bodies collide and they fall together to the ground. Someone’s sobbing and he realizes that it’s him.

“Y-you’re here,” she murmurs, her hands carding through his hair. “Oh my god you’re _here_.”

“So are you,” Bellamy manages. She laughs, more tears falling down her cheeks that he wipes away with his thumbs. All he wants to do is just stay here and hold her forever.

“Is everyone else...?” The unsaid word hangs heavy on her lips and Bellamy nods.

“They’re alive.”

She breathes out in relief and he pulls her close again. “Bellamy?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we go home now?”

He nods, gathering her closer if that is even possible. “One thing though.” She waits. “I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time.”

She kisses him, cutting him off. He laughs into the kiss, startled but returning the motion with as much vigor as he can. His hands tangle in her hair, and for god’s sake, if he could mold their bodies into one, he would.

“I love you,” Bellamy whispers. Clarke smiles, nipping at his chin and murmuring the words in return like a mantra.

_Love you, love you, love you._

-;

Octavia’s call tells Abby that there are people approaching the new gate. Having been built fast in the weeks they had been here once again, guards and lookouts paced along the edges to keep watch for new arrivals.

She walks with Kane through the compound, watching as the gates open. At first, Abby can’t see anything. The sun is blinding her.

And then, as her eyes adjust, she can see three figures walking up the beaten trail. She recognizes Bellamy and Roan’s outlines but the third one is smaller, obviously female and –

“Oh my god!” she chokes. Kane’s hands try to steady her but she bats them away and begins to run. “Oh my god!”

Clarke pulls away from Bellamy and starts to run too. The two women meet in the middle and she grabs her daughter around the waist, Clarke’s arms going around her neck. As she clings to her daughter, she catches Bellamy’s eyes over Clarke’s shoulder.

He’s smiling, softly and finally at peace.

“ _Thank you_ ,” she mouths and Bellamy nods.

Time to live again.


End file.
